Scarred
by Sharn-sharn
Summary: Lilypaw's life has been going fairly well. At least, that's what she thinks. Then comes the attack that shatters her life forever. Challenge for CloudClan.


**This is a challenge for CloudClan.**

 **. . .**

I haven't had the best life.

My mother succumbed to sickness when I was a tiny kit, so my father raised me as best as he could, with the guidance of the only other nursery queen, Russetheart.

My father was a quiet cat, never one for smiles or laughter, but, even though I was an attention needing kit, he dedicated the better part of his warrior career in raising me. He lavished me with attention and his rare smiles, which I loved more than anything.

He was my world.

And then, just as suddenly, he was gone.

My whole world changed that day.

Gone were the days of laughter and carefreeness. Now, my days were filled with sadness and misery. The one cat that I could confide in, trust in, _love_ in, was gone.

Just like that.

I had been told that he had been cut down by a fox while on patrol.

A _fox_ , of all things!

It was a completely random and unprecedented attack, one that wouldn't normally happen. A ' _mistake_ ' Brightstar had called it.

I was hysterical for days. I didn't want to talk to _anyone_ , and, as a result, nobody wanted to talk to _me_ \- the hysterical little kit who acted as if the world were ending.

And, to me, it was.

I missed the days when my father would hold me close, his tail against my chest and his mouth at my ear, where he would whisper, "You look just like your mother. I love you so very much, my sweet Lilykit."

Yes, I missed those days. But those days were long gone now. Never would I have him hold me so close anymore, whispering sweet nothings into my ears. Words that he reserved only for _me_.

I was alone now. Still a kit and alone.

 **. . .**

"Arghhh!" Foxkit yelped, cringing when his fur was licked the wrong way.

His siblings were all snickering at him, as they had already had their fur groomed by a bedraggled Russetheart.

"Mum!" he complained, finally breaking from his mother's clutches. "Do you _have_ to do that?!"

Russetheart sighed. "Alright, Foxkit," she said, her voice bright. "But I only want to get you ready for your big day."

I cringed when she turned to me, doe eyes huge and beseeching. "You, too, Lilykit."

"I-I'm… fine," I finished lamely.

"Fine?" Russetheart looked at me with an odd expression on her face, completely belying her motherly persona. "You haven't been 'fine' in moons, Lilykit." Her expression changed again, becoming soft and sorrowful. "You know, Iceflame would have been so proud of you. This day was all he talked about when he was ali-" quickly, she broke off, looking at me warily, waiting for the customary flinch that occurred whenever he was talked about.

And I did. Flinched, I mean. The memory of his demise, even though I hadn't been there to witness it, still burned.

"Oh, Lilykit, I'm so sorry. You know I didn't mean-"

"Save it," I grumbled. "He's dead anyway. Crying about it won't help anyone. And it sure as StarClan won't bring him back."

"Lilykit…" Russetheart looked as if she were about to burst into tears from my harsh words, and I instantly felt guilty.

I made to apologise. But as soon as I opened my mouth, someone beat me to it.

"Hey, Lilykit," Sunkit snapped. "Quit making my mother cry. You do it all the time. Apologise. _Now_."

I glared at him. "That's what I was going to do," I retorted. "Before you so _rudely_ interrupted."

Their lone sister, Ivykit, was sinking into the ground, looking as if _she_ were about to start crying.

Foxkit seemed to notice, for he piped up, "Stop doing your stupid glare thingy, Sunkit. You're scaring Ivykit, you know."

Sunkit ignored him though, never breaking off from glaring at me, and it was then that I decided that I'd had enough. "I'm sorry," I snapped. "Happy?!"

"Very," Sunkit answered sharply. "Now keep your mouth shut before you catch flies."

"Sunkit!" Russetheart finally reprimanded. "It's not your place to defend me. And Lilykit was within every single right to get angry. By StarClan, your father would be ashamed of you!"

The effect was instantaneous. Sunkit flinched as if struck, Foxkit cringed into the ground, and Ivykit actually _did_ start to cry.

Like me, their father was a sore subject. But, unlike me, they had never met him. He'd died long before they were born in a freak accident.

But, even though the three siblings had never met him, they idolised and admired him greatly, and Russetheart often regaled them with tales of his prowess. His name was Stoneclaw, and once upon a time, he had been ThunderClan's deputy.

Yes, the _deputy_ of ThunderClan.

My own father, Iceflame, hadn't even been a senior warrior. He had been fairly young when my mother and him and gotten together, and then had me. And then, after Mum died, I had taken up all of his free time.

He no longer went to train. His paws were too busy with me.

So, maybe it was _my_ fault that he was dead. After all, his senses had been dull, and his battle prowess stunted, all because he was busy looking after me instead of training.

"Come on, kits," Russetheart suddenly murmured. "The Clan'll be wondering where we all are."

Foxkit looked excited, Ivypaw had stopped crying, and Sunkit still had that sour look on his face.

Russetheart led us all out of the nursery, and I suddenly felt exposed. Some of our Clanmates were staring at us in interest, while others just looked bored.

We made our way through camp, until we reached the highrock. Brightstar was already waiting for us, and I shivered at the cold, hard look in his eyes.

Perhaps it was because he was so old. I had heard rumours from other cats as they had passed the nursery that Brightstar was on his last life. Maybe that was why he always looked so tired and annoyed. Maybe he was annoyed with life itself.

Or even just living.

"Russetheart," he rasped. "How good to see you so early. I presume that the kits are ready?"

Russetheart only nodded, and when Brightstar looked at _me_ , I felt panic seeping in. I did _not_ want to be the centre of attention.

"Lilykit," he nodded. "You must be excited."

"Yes, Brightstar," I whispered.

I felt dread coiling in the pit of my stomach, and I expected him to make some sort of remark about Iceflame, like everyone before him had. But, to my surprise, he remained silent on the subject. Silent, uncaring.

" _So young."_

" _What a tragedy, so young, too."_

" _A young warrior with his whole life ahead of him. Why, he even has a kit."_

I pushed the memories away, aware that nearly every single eye was on me.

Finally, Brightstar looked away, and I breathed a silent sigh of relief. He didn't care. My heart sank. No one did.

"All cats old enough to catch their own prey, gather beneath the highrock for a Clan meeting," he wheezed, as if the very action of speaking drained the life from him.

Ever so slowly, cats looked up from their daily tasks, before brightening and coming from all over the camp to gather beneath the highrock.

When everyone was settled, Brightstar said dully, "This is a proud day for ThunderClan, by naming apprentices we show ThunderClan will survive and remain strong. Ivykit, from now on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Ivypaw." Here, Brightstar paused to breathe, his wheezing echoing throughout the clearing. "Littleclaw, you will mentor Ivypaw. You are ready for another apprentice, and I think Ivypaw will benefit greatly from you."

Littleclaw nodded respectfully, and she got to her paws, approaching the newly named Ivypaw, who suddenly looked even more scared than before.

I knew that Littleclaw was a tough taskmaster, and she despised cry-babies even more, so Ivypaw really _would_ be benefitting greatly from this matchup. Good on you, Brightstar. While he acted like he didn't care, he really was observing each of us closely, so as to not match us up with someone incompetent.

The pair touched noses, and from then on, the remaining siblings were matched up accordingly. Sunkit, now known as Sunpaw, to Duskfang. And Foxpaw, to Barktail.

When it was finally my turn, I felt even more dread than before. I was a nervous wreck. Would Brightstar pair me right, like he had with all the others?

I could only hope so.

"Finally, our last kit," Brightstar rasped. "Lilykit, from now on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Lilypaw. Rainflower will mentor you." I blinked at the abrupt statement. That was it, really?

A grey she-cat ambled through the crowd, her blue eyes fixed on my face.

I swallowed as she touched her nose to mine. She looked like… like-

"Mum?" I whispered softly. I felt hope. Maybe, just maybe, it was possible to come back from the dead-

"No," she answered abruptly. Her entire figure blurred, and suddenly, I couldn't see her anymore.

"W-Who…?"

"Come, Lilypaw," was all Rainflower would say. "We have lots of things to get through."

I swallowed my amazement and just stared after her. I blinked once, twice, three times, and my vision was cleared.

I caught Sunpaw's eyes, and he was frowning at me. " _Go_ " he mouthed at me, making a forward motion with his paw.

I only nodded, before bounding after my new mentor.

"Wait, Rainflower!" I gasped.

Rainflower turned to face me, and her eyes narrowed, zoning in on my heaving chest and wheezy breaths. "We need to build your endurance up," she replied thoughtfully. "But first, I must show you around the territory."

I blinked at her. Rainflower was so… abrupt. But I found that I liked that. She was very forward and didn't hesitate one bit. That meant that I would have an honest mentor, one that wouldn't beat around the bush.

 _Thank you, Brightstar._

 **. . .**

After my first day around the territory, I was exhausted, so I went straight to the apprentices' den, disregarding my stomach's mad desire to eat. I was tired, so that forfeited hunger for the time being, as far as I'm concerned.

I found another apprentice already in there, having claimed the corner. He was timber-brown in colour, and when I entered, his eyes cracked open, exposing a sliver of ember.

"Who are you?" he mumbled incoherently.

"Lilypaw," I mumbled back. My eyes were drooping. I wanted to sleep!

And I did.

I settled down on the nearest nest and drifted off into an easy sleep.

 **. . .**

 _-A flash of red-_

 _There was a glint of teeth, shining with a bright light, before they snapped shut, and the red lunged at me, snarling and growling-_

I woke to the sensation of something poking me.

"-up!" someone hissed into my ears. "Wake up, Lilypaw!"

Ever so slowly, I forced my eyes open. My sight was blurry, and all I could see was a reddish colour. It was right up against my face, and when my vision finally cleared, I jerked back.

It was Sunpaw!

"StarClan!" I hissed, flattening my ears against my head. "Are you _trying_ to give me a heart attack?!"

Sunpaw glared down at me. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. "Everyone else is already up," he said impatiently. "And now _you_ need to get up, too."

"I'm up, I'm up!" I yelped when he poked me again.

I hurriedly got to my paws, all the while Sunpaw continued glaring at me. Really, I have no idea what that cat's problem is, but it's really starting to annoy me. All he ever seemed to do around me, was _glare_ at me.

"Hurry up," he grumbled, still glaring at me.

I hissed at him in irritation, but it was a bit hard to do since I was preoccupied with smoothing down the snarls in my fur from tossing and turning all night.

Finally, Sunpaw growled in annoyance. "Let me do it!" he snapped, taking a seat beside me.

I froze when he began licking at my shoulder, feeling my face burning with mortification. Moments later, the snarls in my fur gradually began to smooth down, and that was when Sunpaw moved to my back.

I think I was even more embarrassed when he pulled back with a satisfied smile, the same satisfaction glittering in those green eyes of his.

"Come on," he muttered.

And, without a word more, Sunpaw turned the opposite way and slunk out of the den, his tail trailing behind him.

I stared after him, feeling awkward and embarrassed, before following after him.

 **. . .**

Foxpaw munched happily on his vole- _too_ happily, might I add. His reddish-brown fur shined slightly in the sunlight, and his yellow eyes glinted.

That harrowing dream I'd had was still in my mind, and it _really_ didn't help that there was a cat who was _named_ after a fox.

Not to mention that Dad had been killed by a fox.

Foxpaw seemed to notice my blatant staring, for he noisily swallowed his mouthful of food and said, "I know I'm handsome and all, Lilypaw, but do you have to be so obvious? It's kind of creepy when I'm trying to eat, you know."

"I don't have a crush on you, Foxpaw!" I snapped.

His eyes widened, but he didn't look insulted. If anything, he seemed amused. That is, amused at my snappish tendencies.

Foxpaw was annoying. I think I established that when I was still a kit.

"'Course you do, Lilypaw," he chuckled. " _Every_ cat does."

"Even Brightstar?" I dared to retort.

I watched with great pleasure as all the colour drained from his face. His eyes narrowed down to tiny slits, and he looked positively sickened.

"Gross!" he gagged. "Brightstar's how old again?"

"No one knows," I answered happily. "He's been around for moons, so he'll probably live forever at this rate."

Foxpaw looked down at the vole he'd been so happily eating before, and a disgusted frown twisted his face. "Thanks a lot, Lilypaw," he grumbled. "Now I can't even _finish_ this." He paused to shudder. "Not after an image like that."

"More for me then," I said cheerfully.

 **. . .**

Ivypaw was crying again.

Her soft sniffles echoed throughout the den, and I opened my eyes, groggy and irritated.

"Would you _shut up?!_ " Thornpaw harshly snapped.

"Hey, don't talk to my sister that way, mouse-brain!" Foxpaw snapped back. "It's your fault that she's even crying in the first place!"

"Not my fault that she has such a stupid crush," the tom sneered, his tone dripping with poison.

"Would you _both_ shut up?!" I snapped, rising from my position in my nest. "Believe it or not, but there _are_ others trying to sleep, you know!"

"Shut up, Lilypaw," Foxpaw retorted. "You don't know anything."

"Oh?" I stared at him as I as flatly, "If I don't know anything, then how would I do this?" I turned to Ivypaw, who was still slowly sobbing. "Ivypaw, don't listen to anything Thornpaw says. He's a mouse-brain, and if he can't behave like a civilised cat, then he doesn't deserve you. And Thornpaw? You're a _massive_ , and I mean _massive_ jerk. It's a wonder why _anyone_ can stand you." I broke off, taking a huge gasp of air as I'd said that all _in_ one breath.

"And you know what? I'm going outside. I can't sleep with cats constantly screaming in my ears." With one final sneer, I departed from the den.

I looked up at the sky, only to see the moon, bright and full, high up in the air. It was pretty late, I'm judging, and I was tired.

I had an assessment tomorrow morning at dawn, and I was going to need all the rest I could get. And with the other apprentices screaming around me, the rest I relished seemed like a distant dream.

I craned my neck around camp, searching for a suitable place to sleep. There was no one else around, save for the cat doing the guard duty.

I wandered around for some time, my eyes drooping with weariness.

"Lilypaw?"

I whirled around, nearly falling over in the process.

It was only Sunpaw.

His lips quirked up when he witnessed my stumble, but I glared up at him.

"What do you want?" I demanded tiredly. "And what are you still doing up?"

"Duskfang had me on guard duty," Sunpaw answered just as wearily. "I was just heading back to the apprentices' den."

"You don't want to go there," I muttered sullenly, still sore from Foxpaw's ire. "Thornpaw made Ivypaw cry, after rejecting her. Now, they're screaming all over the place, can't get any sleep even if you try."

Sunpaw's jaw clenched. "That idiot!" he hissed lividly. "I should go in there right now and show him whose-"

"Please don't!" I interrupted hastily.

He paused, before glaring down at me. Ah, his usual expression. He must be feeling fine then.

"Whatever," he snapped, still looking down his nose at me, _still_ glaring. "I've got better things to do than prey upon some indignant mouse-brain."

"Same with me," I muttered. "And I _cannot_ get any sleep with all of that noise."

Sunpaw still glared at me, but he looked a little thoughtful, too. "Come on," he muttered, striding in the opposite direction.

I grinned; impatient as always!

He led me to the opposite side of the camp, where there sat, nestled in the very corner, a few bushes.

"We can sleep here," Sunpaw explained at my confused look.

 _We?_

His glare came back full force. _Uh-oh_. "Just lie down," he snapped in exasperation.

I complied, still grinning up at him. He sat down beside me, his pelt just brushing mine.

"Stop smiling," he grumbled, "and go to sleep."

My lips curled up even more, and I laid my head on my paws. He was warm. Sunpaw was warm, and it was a cold night.

I didn't even have any nightmares.

 **. . .**

When I woke up the next day, Sunpaw was nowhere to be seen. The spot beside me where he had lain was icy cold- he had already been gone for some time.

I frowned, feeling my face crumple up. I had something on today… what was it?

My assessment!

That was it!

I quickly got to my paws, and headed for the fresh-kill pile. Rainflower would probably be there, and if not, already at the entrance.

" _Be hasty_ ," she had said.

I looked up at the sky, feeling my frown deepen even more. The sun was quite high in the sky, which meant that I was late. _Again._

I disregarded my rumbling stomach completely and rushed over to the entrance, where my mentor was waiting for me, a disgruntled expression twisting her face.

"You're late, Lilypaw," she said disapprovingly. "Even Foxpaw was here before you."

I flushed in embarrassment. "Well, I'm sorry," I snapped. "Nobody woke me."

Rainflower just shook her head. "Even so," she replied, "you can still wake yourself up. You've been a warrior for how many moons now, Lilypaw?"

"Nearly four," I mumbled, ducking my head. "And you're right, I guess," I sighed. "But I'm only late because those mouse-brains in the den kept me up all night so I had to find somewhere else to sleep!"

Rainflower only frowned. "Come on then," she instructed, padding ahead, tail swishing behind her. "You have a lot to catch up on." Disapproval laced her voice. "Everyone else has nearly finished their assessment, and you're _just_ starting. Honestly, Lilypaw, quit being so tardy all the time."

"Yes, Rainflower," I answered miserably.

The rest of the walk was silent, and minutes later, after climbing the ravine wall, we emerged from the trees into a clearing.

I saw a rusty-brown pelt and yellow eyes. It was Foxpaw.

He glanced up from where he was talking to his mentor, Barktail.

"About time you came, Lilypaw," he said, and he smiled cheekily. "I knew you couldn't resist my good looks for long."

I scoffed. "Keep dreaming, Foxpaw," I replied, though I smiled humorously for his sake, and was gratified when I received a small, sincere one back.

"For the last part of your assessment, Foxpaw," Barktail began in his high, wispy voice, "I'm going to have you fight Lilypaw here in a practise battle. Understand?"

"'Course I do!" Foxpaw answered happily.

I looked to Rainflower in confusion.

"Fighting Foxpaw will be the _first_ part of your assessment," Rainflower explained helpfully. "Then we'll move on to tracking, and then finally, hunting. Understand?"

"Sounds good to me," I said, eying Foxpaw warily. "Do we fight now?"

"Get into position," Barktail answered for me, looking over at his own apprentice. "You, too, Foxpaw."

"Great!" he cried, falling into a defensive crouch.

I copied him, and, figuring that there shouldn't be any claws out, kept them unsheathed.

Foxpaw striked first.

He came at me, and by _StarClan_ was he fast. I just barely managed to pull back before paw would have made contact with my face.

I think my face must have looked shocked enough, for Foxpaw burst out into giggles.

While he was distracted, I searched for opening, and saw the way that his paws held him. _Good_. Foxpaw may be fast, but I don't think he can avoid this attack.

I lunged at him, and just managed to clip his chest, before his own paw collided with my face. I hissed in pain, and swerved to the side to avoid his next one.

When my vision cleared itself of stars, I saw that he was grinning cheekily at me. He was enjoying this, the mouse-brain!

I grinned back at him.

He was better at fighting than I was, _very_ fast, but I had keen eyes. Keener than his, at least. So, I would use that to my advantage.

Suddenly, Foxpaw sunk low into a crouch, as if he were stalking a piece of prey. Then, he _pounced_. And he was _fast_.

One second he was in front of me, and the next I felt a crippling weight land on my back.

The mouse-brain. He had _jumped_ , and was now situated on my _back_.

I immediately twisted my body, knowing that it was a bad idea to expose my belly, but I would do _anything_ to shake him off.

And I did.

He fell off without so much as a grunt. I pulled myself away from his body, and saw that he was lying on his side, looking dazed.

He shakily pulled himself to his paws, and he still looked a bit dizzy. He even glared at me, too.

"That hurt!" he accused.

"So?" I replied uncaringly, though I was grinning on the inside. "This is a fight. Your enemy isn't going to spare your feelings. So, why should I?"

"That's it!" Foxpaw yelled, lunging at me.

I swerved to the side to avoid him, but he was so fast that his chest collided with my face, and I got a mouthful of reddish-brown fur.

He landed heavily on top of me, and, pressing a clawed paw to my throat, looked triumphant.

"Fine," I conceded unhappily, "you win."

Rainflower was _still_ unhappy with me, and even more disappointed that I'd lost. "I know fighting isn't your strongest point, Lilypaw," she said. "But you had an advantage there with Foxpaw so dazed. Take it next time."

"I will," I confirmed. I then smiled brightly. "Tracking next?"

"Yes," my mentor grumbled.

Tracking went by fairly fast, and, to my _and_ my mentor's relief, I was fairly good at it, being able to distinguish scents and separate them so easily.

When we finally moved onto hunting, my stomach was rumbling loudly, a sharp ache festering in my belly. I was hungry, tired, and I just wanted to _stop_.

But, my mentor wasn't as deterred as me.

"No, Lilypaw," Rainflower said sternly. "We can't stop yet. Not when we're so close to finishing. And it's your own fault that we're out so late."

"Yeah," I grumbled, "pin all the blame on _me_. Why not Sunpaw? He didn't even bother waking me up."

"Sunpaw?" There was a glint in my mentor's eyes that I did _not_ like. One bit.

"What about him?" I glared at her, just to make my message clearer.

"Never mind then," Rainflower chuckled. "You'll know what I mean when you're older. But right now, we need to focus on the hunting part of your assessment."

"Fine."

"Good." Did she just wink at me? She did! Rainflower just winked at me! "Then, to start you off, I want you to go off by yourself and bring back three pieces of prey. I'll be around, checking on your progress. Good luck, Lilypaw."

I frowned at her. Rainflower was being _really_ abrupt. I mean, that was how she was all the time, but not to this extent! "Hey, wait!" I protested. But she was already gone, tail swishing behind her as she made her way back to camp.

I sighed, feeling another pang in my stomach. I cringed at the pain, before turned in the opposite direction. _Away_ from Rainflower.

If I wanted to satisfy my hunger any sooner, than I would have to hunt down the three pieces of prey Rainflower had requested of me.

I wandered around for a bit before a familiar scent wafted around me. I grinned; it smelled like a mouse!

Though a mouse was small, it would be enough for _one_ cat probably.

There was a tree in front of me, and its leaves were crumbling and brown, signifying the inevitable start of leaf-fall. There were lots of leaves on the ground, too, which crunched underneath my paws when I took a step closer.

On my left, the leaves shifted slightly, and I immediately dropped into a crouch. Though this was a bad idea, and the leaves were disturbed by my abrupt movement.

A squeak sounded, and a grey mouse emerged from the leaves, a tiny blade of grass held in its mouth.

Now was my chance! I immediately pounced, my paws crushing it into the ground and my unsheathed claws tearing into flesh and ripping into flesh.

It wriggled desperately under my weight, but I leaned down and put it out of its misery with a single bite to the neck. It fell limp.

I pulled back with a triumphant smile, surveying the prey I'd caught.

It was fat, probably due to the fact that it was getting ready for leaf-bare.

I heard a rustle behind me. It was probably Rainflower coming back to check on me. After all, she _did_ say she would be around.

But it _wasn't_ her, which was the problem.

It smelt foul- a mixture of excrements and crow-food.

I swerved to face it, only comprehending a flash of red, before something sharp raked across my face.

I shrieked from the pain. It burned like fire, or a thousand ants crawling all over my pelt and stinging me.

It snarled in my face, and I felt myself go numb.

I saw a glint of white, yellow teeth shining, and, with a hiss, I pulled back, and its jaws snapped right in my face.

In my haste to move _away_ from it, I nearly tripped over something. A quick glance down confirmed that it was the mouse I'd killed only just then.

An idea formed in my mind, a stupid one nonetheless, but it was still an idea.

"You want it!" I screamed at it, shoving the mouse at it. "Then you can _have_ it!"

It growled, and, with half of my vision missing, I made a mad scramble for the tree. My claws scratched at the rough bark, leaving deep gouges as I attempted to climb it.

Unfortunately, Rainflower had never taught me, so I tried as best as I could. And, when I finally thought I was making progress, something latched onto one of my back paws.

I screamed bloody murder when something sharp sunk into my leg. I tried to yank it free, but whatever had my leg in its grasp, held on fast.

The fur on my face felt damp, and my eye was searingly hot. I could only see with one eye, and I used that eye to gaze at whatever had me.

It was an orangish-red, with droopy yellow eyes and a long bushy white tail.

It was a fox.

And it was going to kill me.

I was going to die like Dad, with no way to defend myself. I would die alone, with no one to comfort the ease of my passing.

The fox growled deep in its throat, and it started to drag me down from the tree. I held on as tight as I could, though. If I was going to die, then I was going to go down fighting.

The fox opened its mouth slightly, presumably to tighten its grip, but I took that chance and yanked my leg free from its grasp, though with that movement, my claws yanked free and I fell from the trees.

I landed hard on my back. The fall knocked the breath out of me, and all I could do was lye there, completely stunned.

But the fox made its move quickly, moving to stand right over me, snarling and snapping its jaws at me.

I swallowed heavily. I was numb. I couldn't move.

The fox moved, and I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for my inevitable end.

But one second passed, two, then three, and nothing happened.

My eyes snapped open, and I heard hissing and growling.

A grey streak and a red flash.

 _Rainflower and the fox._

I rolled onto my side. Rainflower had somehow managed to pin the fox, and she yelled, "Hurry, Barktail!"

 _Barktail_. He was there in a flash, dark-brown pelt rippling with the effort. Quickly, he raked his claws across the fox's throat.

It whimpered, struggling with the effort, and Barktail hit it another time. Then another, and another, then-

It fell limp, blood bubbling from the wound, and all over its face.

"Lilypaw!" Rainflower hopped off of the fox and turned to face me, though it wasn't her who cried my name.

Someone was right beside me. How had I not realised that? But it was my left side- my _blind_ side. I couldn't see anything from it.

My sight was rapidly going grey, and someone leaned their face so close to mine, that I could see the flecks of brown in their green eyes.

"Stay awake," they pleaded.

But I couldn't see their face anymore.

"… please, Lily…." Even their voice was fading…

 _... At least I'll be able to see Mum and Dad again._

 **. . .**

" _She'll be half blind, only able to see out of one eye."_

" _Her leg is practically useless. She'll never be able to become a warrior."_

" _And so young, too. The poor dear."_

I groaned. Every part of my burned ached with a sharp, stinging pain, but my leg was the worst.

I tried to open my eyes, and was puzzled when only darkness greeted.

What in StarClan…?

"I think she's waking up!"

"A very good observation, Foxpaw."

"Shut up, Sunpaw! My good looks will be the first thing she sees, instead of _your_ ugly face."

"I think you should be quiet," a soft, shy voice murmured.

"Aw, Ivypaw," Foxpaw whined. "You spoil _all_ of the fun."

I groaned again, and that was when all the talking stopped.

Then, I felt a tentative touch on my face. "Uh, Lilypaw?" Foxpaw said, sounding unsure. "Are you awake?"

"Ye… s…" my voice was a weak, pathetic croak. "What… happened?"

"You got attacked by a fox," Foxpaw replied. "You've been asleep for a quarter-moon. We didn't think you'd ever wake up, but you have, so you'll be fine."

There was a sound of something being struck, before Foxpaw's cry of pain sounded. "Ow! What in StarClan was _that_ for, Sunpaw?!"

"For being a mouse-brain!" Sunpaw answered back just as angrily. "You can't just put that on her straight away! Besides, she's not going to recover overnight. Not with injuries like that."

I could hear him, and somehow, I imagined him to be using his default expression: glaring. But I couldn't see him, and that distressed me greatly.

"Uh… guys?" I sounded unsure, which was very strange for me. Usually, I tended not to get confused. But right now, I really _was_. "Why… why can't I… _see_ anything?"

I heard Foxpaw wince, and that wasn't a very good indicator for me.

"Why can't I see?!" I demanded rapidly, hearing my voice crack. "I mean, I can hear you but I can't see you. Everything's black!" Why?! Why was everything black?! Was I blind?! What was going on?!

"Calm down!"

This wasn't right. I couldn't be blind. This couldn't be happening.

"Lilypaw, you have to breathe!"

"What did you do this time, Foxpaw?!" a familiar voice accused.

"Why are you always blaming _me_?!" he cried.

I tried to breathe, but it only got caught in my throat, making me wheeze. What was happening to me?! I couldn't breathe. My heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest, and my face felt hot. I felt dizzy, and I was starting to shake, my ribs shuddering with the movement.

"Calm down, Lilypaw," Sunpaw demanded. "You're alright, you're going to be fine, understand? You're not blind. You can't see anything because you have something over your eyes, to stop the wound from festering. Do you hear me?" He paused, then continued, "Calm down. Take a deep breath and _calm_ _down_."

I tried to do as he said, and I sucked in a huge breath, but it only whooshed from my mouth, leaving me dazed. But the ache in my chest subsided ever so slightly.

"That's it, Lilypaw," Foxpaw said encouragingly. "Keep breathing like that."

I took another breath, and I managed to hold the air in for a few more moments, before releasing it. I continued this for a few more minutes, until the ache in my chest was gone and I wasn't feeling as dizzy.

Then, everything around me faded around me, and I knew nothing.

 **. . .**

"Do you think she'll be okay?" Foxpaw asked worriedly. "That was a pretty nasty attack just then."

"She'll be just fine," Russetheart soothed, licking her frazzled son's cheek. "She's a strong cat."

"She'll never be able to become a warrior," Sunpaw commented bitterly. "Never able to hunt or fight, or even run properly ever again. Not with a wound like that. Her leg's practically ruined."

"Poor Lilypaw," Ivypaw said sadly. "She doesn't deserve this."

"You're right," Sunpaw confirmed, gazing at Lilypaw's limp form. "She deserves so much more."

"Stupid fox," Foxpaw grumbled under his breath. His sibling turned to regard him with amazement, to which he responded defensively: "What?! I may have fox at the start of my name, but that doesn't mean I have to like them!"

 **. . .**

When I woke up again, everything was dark.

 _Still darkness._ I was tired, in pain, and my entire body felt like it'd been mauled by something. Oh, it was. By a _fox_ , no less.

I could barely even move, and when I did, it sent cold, sharp tingles lancing through my limbs, _especially_ my leg.

A noise left my lips, and a second later, I was embarrassed to discover that it was a whimper.

I was frightened; I couldn't see anything and I couldn't move to save my life. But I wasn't alone. There was someone with me, always someone with me. I don't think I was ever left alone.

And so, I drifted.

I don't know how long I stayed in that state for- it could have been days, _moons_ , for all I know, but I knew one thing, even in the deepest pits of unconsciousness: I was never alone.

So, the next time I opened my eyes, it was still dark, but, by the warmth of someone else's pelt just barely brushing mine, I hardly felt scared.

I yawned hugely, and that startled whoever was with me.

"Lilypaw?" Sunpaw asked quietly. "Are you awake?"

"Mmm," I mumbled.

"Are you hungry?" His voice sounded gentle, and if I could, I would have blinked. Sunpaw _never_ sounded gentle, and if he did now, there was only one possible answer.

"Am I dead?" I asked abruptly.

"Wha- _no_ ," he snarled. "You're alive. Perfectly _alive_. What brought this on?"

"I can't feel my body _and_ I'm blind," I answered tonelessly.

I heard an irritated groan. "For the love of StarClan, Lilypaw," Sunpaw growled, "you are _not_ dead. The only reason you can't see is because Cedarfur placed something over your eyes so the wounds on your face don't fester."

He was lying to me. Or, if he wasn't, then he was at least leaving something out. "You're lying to me," I said quietly.

Silence.

Then-

"I've had enough of this, Lilypaw," he hissed lividly. "If you want to know so badly, then ask _Cedarfur!_ "

I heard the scratch of his paws against the ground as he got to his feet and padded away. Outside. _Away_ from me.

I felt… I didn't even know how to describe what I felt. So, I simply sniffed and shut my eyes again.

 _Whatever._

I think I fell asleep again, because the next thing I knew, something was gently shaking me awake.

"Ugh," I groaned, forcing my eyes open. They felt sticky, like something was stuck to them, and I realised that it was probably the stuff that Cedarfur had placed over my eyes to stop the scratches on my face from festering.

"Lilypaw," Cedarfur's gentle voice mewed. "I need you to close your eyes for me, so I can take the leaves off of your face.

I didn't even nod, just did as she instructed, and winced at the feel of my skin pulling upwards as the leaves covering my eyes left my face.

"There, that's good. Now, I want you to take it slow in opening your eyes. They haven't seen the light for a long time, and it'd be best if you didn't hurt yourself while doing it."

Like Cedarfur said, I took it slow. I slowly cracked them open, so only a sliver of light could come in, and that one action left my eyes positively _stinging._

Soon enough, my eyes were fully open. I squinted a bit to get used to the light, but, other than that, I was fine.

"Very good, Lilypaw!" the medicine cat exclaimed happily. "Now, let's see if you can stand."

I looked down at my body, noting my matted, bloodied fur, that seemed to have less snarls than I was expecting, but it all paled in comparison when I saw my leg.

It was awful.

My leg looked limp, almost twisted, and there were so many cobwebs wrapped around its length, especially near the paw.

"I…-I don't think I can stand on that, Cedarfur," I said quietly.

"Well, you won't know until you try, will you, Lilypaw?" Cedarfur prodded gently.

I sighed, relenting, and allowed the medicine cat to help me up. I leaned heavily on her shoulder, and any attempt at putting pressure on my injured hind leg, made bursts of white-hot pain shoot through it.

"Ow," I moaned. My leg throbbed madly, and Cedarfur smiled sadly at me.

"That's as best as you're going to get it, Lilypaw," she informed me softly.

What?

I shot her a look of mild alarm. "What?"

"Sunpaw never told you?" At my confused look, she elaborated. "You won't ever be able to become a warrior, Lilypaw. Not with a leg like that." Her voice was soft, and _so_ gentle. It made me want to grit my teeth and spit insults at her, but I couldn't.

I felt numb. And there was an ache in my chest, like I'd been stabbed, and it _hurt_. It hurt to breathe, to think, to _speak_.

"Y-You're lying." My voice shook, cracked even. "Please tell me you're lying."

"I wish I was, Lilypaw," she replied sadly. "But the fact of the matter is that you won't ever walk properly again. You won't ever hunt, or fight, or run ever again."

I didn't even reply. I just shut down.

 **. . .**

I holed myself up in there for a few more days, until someone visited me and snapped me out of it.

Surprisingly, it was Thornpaw of all cats.

"What do you want?" My voice was muffled by my paws, but I could see him clearly.

Thornpaw looked hesitant, and he finally shrugged. "Dunno. Everyone's been nagging at me to visit you since no one's seen you."

I didn't reply.

He continued: "Anyway, when I finally caved in and agreed to see you, I didn't expect to see a cat wallowing in her own self-pity. I thought you were stronger than that, Lilypaw!" His voice rose to a shout, and I flinched.

"Strong like your Dad," he murmured. "I remember him, you know. Even if I wasn't very close to him, I still thought he was pretty cool. Especially when your Mum died. Iceflame didn't wallow in self-pity. No, he stood right up and kept caring for his kit."

"I'm not Iceflame," I said, voice cold as ice.

Thornpaw stared at me- was that disappointment I saw in his gaze? "I know," he replied, and then he was turning the other way and exiting the den.

I just sat there, reflecting over what he had said.

And he was _right_. Thornpaw, the massive jerk, was actually right for a change. All I was doing in here was wallowing in my self-pity.

I refused to eat, because, what was the point if I couldn't even become a warrior? I was useless to the Clan. I couldn't hunt, I couldn't fight- StarClan, I couldn't even _walk_ properly.

I was useless, but I wasn't about to be weak.

 **. . .**

The next day, Cedarfur came back into the den, this time bringing a tiny kit in with her.

"Cedarfur," I said, and she looked at me sharply. "I want to walk properly."

"And just how are you going to do that?" she asked. "Your leg's practically ruined."

I glanced down at my leg, my eyes scanning the dried blood flaked over the cobwebs. "I know," I replied softly. "But I still want to try. I may not be able to become a warrior, than I can sure as StarClan try and walk without falling over."

Cedarfur was silent for a long while, and it seemed that the kit at her side was going cross eyed with boredom. "Just say yes, Cedarfur!" it urged.

The medicine cat in question let out a long suffering sigh. "Fine," she said shortly. "But may I ask what brought this on?"

"Well, I don't really want to spend the rest of my life in here," I said dryly.

Her lips quirked up. "Of course you don't, Lilypaw," she replied, shaking her head in amusement.

I swear my eyes lit up. "So, you'll help me?"

"Of course. I _am_ the medicine cat, after all."

Cedarfur glanced down at the kit. "Well, Specklepaw," she murmured. "It seems that this is your first assignment."

What? "Wait, Speckle _paw_?" I interjected. "I thought you were a tiny kit!"

The 'kit' looked highly offended. "I'm not a kit!" he snapped. "I'm an apprentice. _Cedarfur's_ apprentice, to be exact."

"Good for you," I deadpanned.

Specklepaw flushed angrily. He opened his mouth to retort, but Cedarfur beat him to it.

"Yes, he is rather young, isn't he? Newly apprenticed. Just this morning, in fact," she commented cheerfully.

I rolled my eyes. "And now that we're past that," I said, "can you help me walk? I want to go outside. This den tends to get really stuffy when you've been in here so long."

"Yes, yes," the medicine cat muttered. "No need to be so impatient. I'm getting right to it." She looked down at her tiny apprentice. "Specklepaw, I need you to take one side."

The apprentice huffed. "Of course, Cedarfur."

I looked down at the apprentice with amusement. He didn't reach my shoulders. Just how was he going to help me _walk_ , of all things?

"Alright," Cedarfur murmured. "On the count of one, two… THREE!"

A startled noise escaped me as I was pushed upwards, and I would have tipped over, had it not been for Cedarfur practically pressed to my side.

My leg throbbed slightly when I accidentally put weight on it, but, other than that, I was fine.

"Is there a puddle anyway?" I asked. "I want to see what I look like."

Specklepaw swallowed tightly. "I don't think you would _want_ to see your face," he said. "It looks…"

He didn't finish his sentence, instead hanging his head low in shame.

"What?" Why did he look so scared? "What is it, Specklepaw?"

"Your friend over there," the tiny apprentice murmured, "is glaring at me."

"Huh? My friend…" suddenly, it dawned on me, and I grinned, saying, "That's just Sunpaw. Don't be afraid of him. Glaring is his default expression, you know."

"I can tell," Specklepaw muttered tightly.

Abruptly, we started moving forward, and I yelped, "A little warning would be nice!"

I tried limping as the two beside me easily trotted, and I ended up practically hopping.

"Hey!" I knew that voice. "Hey, Lilypaw!"

"We should stop," I muttered. "Else Sunpaw will glare his face off."

Specklepaw snorted. I glanced at him curiously. "Nothing," he muttered. "Don't mind me."

"What is it, Sunpaw?" I heard Cedarfur ask.

Sure enough, Sunpaw _was_ glaring. "Why is Lilypaw outside?" he demanded.

Specklepaw leaned toward me to whisper, "Overprotective much?"

I only shook my head.

"Oh, don't be a stick in the mud, Sunpaw," the medicine cat snapped. "She's getting some exercise. Staying cooped up in that den all day isn't good for her."

"I can take her," he insisted, stepping closer.

I gave him a look. "I already have these two with me," I said flatly. "And, quite frankly, I have all the help I need."

He didn't look deterred at all.

"I think he's worried about you," Specklepaw whispered.

"Worried? Why would he be _worried_ about me? I can take care of myself!" I hissed.

"And look where that got you," the tiny apprentice muttered, deliberately not looking at my face.

And that was where my patience snapped. "As if you would know," I snapped, voice cold as ice. "You know what? I think I'll go with you, Sunpaw. Better than being with this brat of an apprentice."

I pushed the tiny apprentice away from me as gently as I could manage, then hobbled toward Sunpaw.

I practically fell against him, and he steadied me so that I leant against his shoulder.

Sunpaw was not much older than me, but by StarClan had be grown in the past five moons. He was bigger than me, at any rate.

"Come on," he muttered, leading me away.

"Where are we going?" I questioned.

"Somewhere," he grunted.

"Is there a puddle where we're going? Because I kind of _really_ want to see what my face looks like."

"You look fine," he reassured me. "Take a look around you."

I did. The cats around me regarded me with varying amounts of shock, but also relief. They… weren't disgusted with me? They seemed genuinely happy that I was okay.

"There's a puddle just over here," Sunpaw said, leading me to somewhere in the distance. Indeed there was; I could see something glimmering on the ground.

We reached it a few moments later, and I just stared at Sunpaw.

"Well?" he snapped, and, yes, he _was_ glaring at me. "Are you going to look at yourself or not?"

"Impatient much," I muttered.

My breath caught in my throat.

There were four huge scratches that had now faded into scars running the length of my face, diagonally, bright pink and fresh. Clumps of my fur had been shorn off in the attack, and I saw that I was incredibly lucky to not have lost my eye.

"I look horrible," I whispered.

Everything grew blurry, and I suddenly couldn't see anything.

I blinked, and everything was clear.

I then gazed down at my leg, noting the bloodstained splotches on the cobwebs covering the wound, and then to how the limb twisted inwards on itself.

Cedarfur was right. I couldn't become a warrior. I couldn't ever run or fight, or even _walk_ properly.

Bitterness slammed into me, and I looked up. Sunpaw looked vaguely concerned, if the wrinkle on his face was anything to go by.

And all this time, Sunpaw _knew_.

He knew and never told me.

"You knew, didn't you?" I asked weakly.

Sunpaw looked confused. "What…?"

"I can't _ever_ become a warrior, Sunpaw," I replied angrily. "And you knew the entire time!"

"What was I supposed to tell you?" he snapped. "'Oh, Lilypaw, I'm sorry, you can't become a warrior because you were nearly mauled to death by a fox'?!"

"You could have told me," I shrunk back, feeling hurt. "So, why didn't you? I wouldn't have been angry at you."

Sunpaw looked about ready to explode. "Because I love you!" he shrieked in my face.

I froze. " _What_ did you say?" I demanded.

Sunpaw looked as if he had been slapped, and he pressed his lips into a thin line, hurt shining in his eyes.

Did I hear him right? Did Sunpaw, the one who always snaps and glares at me, just say that he _loves_ me?

"I love you," he muttered, staring down at his paws.

"Hang on," I interjected. "Please excuse me while I process this. You mean to say, that you _love_ me?"

"Of course I do," he snapped, livid.

"Why?"

" _Why?_ " he echoed, before his eyes narrowed. "What do you mean ' _why_ '?"

I scowled. "Why do you love me?"

"Well, for starters, under all of that bitterness you hide under, you're actually a nice cat. You're not weak, you're not very selfish, and you're kind to my sister, when not everyone really is," he said softly. "You're also very good friends with Foxpaw."

I stared at him, flabbergasted. Was this even the same cat we were talking about? Because that does _not_ sound like me.

"What about my face?" I questioned. "The scars- it's _hideous_."

"I don't care about the scars," he responded flippantly. "You're beautiful already, Lilypaw, can't you see that?'

I stared at him in surprise, before flushing in embarrassment.

"What I _mean_ to say is," he said.

Sunpaw put his face right up to mine.

"I love you," he said softly. "Scars and all."


End file.
